Everyone on this planet knows that i love my son like nothing else in this world. So it wasn’t easy for me to finally give my son the first official full-scale disciplining act.
Shane was being his usual naughty self that i tolerated. He has a bad habit of throwing or beating things after i have given him a verbal display of disapproval. Like for instance i tell him not to touch mommy’s handbag strap, he will go and start wacking the strap or if i tell him he cannot play with the car keys he will throw them forcefully to the floor.
Well last night i disallowed him from touching the vacuum cleaner hose in my computer room. So happen he was holding on to our dvd remote control because mommy couldn’t hide if from him fast enough and taking it away from him would only cause him 2 go into a tantrum. So i let him have the remote control for awhile. But him touching the vacuum cleaner hose was a big no no. Naturally him not getting his way cause him 2 start on his usual tantrum run. However seeing as he had the remote control with him he decided to throw it very hard to the ground which basically cause the remote to almost split apart. It also caused the thing to chip somewhat on a few sides.
Shane knew he was in trouble… so his usual reaction is say oh… ohh…. oh… kinda like masking his wrong doing by acknowledging it was a mistake of sorts. This time however i was mad coz he has done this once to many times. So i raised my voice n scolded him. Straight away he knelt down on the ground looking down and making a sad face. But i wasn’t going to let if off that easily. After a few more thunderous voices of disapproval i smacked his hands. And that is when he started shaking in fear. He was crying so badly and shaking from the sudden onslaught of both verbal and physical barrage. Mind you i only slapped the hand a bit… not soft… but hard enough to hurt the fella a bit. He deserved every bit of it. He wanted me to manja him but i refused and gave a firm NO! to him… naturally he went running to mommy and i told her not to let him manja her. I do not want to raise a spoilt brat who thinks he can just do whatever the hell he wants to and get away with it. After awhile more of showing my disgust at what he did, i think he did really feel remorse. He didn’t dare throw his usual tantrums. He was very timid and dare not even squirm around the floor like he use 2 when he throws his tantrums. It was actually amazing to see how much he was comprehending at 16months. It might be a normal thing but seeing my son develop this kinda comprehension will never cease to amaze me.
So after what felt like an eternity of letting him feel what happens when you are naughty, i spread out my arms to show that i will carry him. I have never seen him scramble to be in my arms so fast before. He grabbed on to me and laid his head still on my right shoulder and didn’t move for quite awhile. Didn’t even dare look at me or mommy. Mommy was now her turn to scold the little monster. He dare not look at mommy at all. After carrying him for quite awhile i told Audrey to make him milk at put him 2 sleep.
Thru-out the whole ordeal… i think shane might’ve been disciplined but i think we as parents were also tortured with the fact that i had to give him such a lashing. I felt pretty hurt after that and was really holding myself back from just hugging him and saying sorry. But i grit my teeth and told myself this has to be done for the sake of his growing up the right way. Kinda made me realize how much my dad must’ve hurt when he slapped me once. My dad thru-out my whole life has only raise his hand to me twice. That’s how much my dad spoils me. I even remember seeing my dad cry after that. At that time it made me feel even worse coz my dad has always been so nice to me. I was very young but that moment has always stayed with me.
I know it’s stupid but i think i really know how my dad felt now. I really felt like crying myself after i realize what i had done. I almost dashed to my son’s bed and given him the biggest hug ever. But alas… i waited till it was morning before i did that. I just had to hold it all in and tell myself i’m doing this for his own good. I really hope it does coz i think to a certain extent i’ve turned out a decent human being because my parents did instill certain values that kept me on the straight and proper. I might not be the best of humans but i’d like to think that they taught me to have a conscience to whatever i do. If that is all i can teach my son… i think i would’ve done my parents proud. God please make Shane a good boy coz i don’t know how much more of this i can endure. It kills me each time… and this is only the first. *sigh*
Has it really been that long? Shane’s turning 4 next year and i’m actually attempting to get back to blogging.
