Time to vote pple!!!

While everyone is bitching about who to vote for and what not… i think everyone should just vote base on looks alone since their friggin’ faces are plastered everywhere. With that i think i’ve got the right candidate as he extrudes honesty, innocence and justice. Please ladies & gents… vote for….

Isn’t that the face of a person who would even beat the likes of Obama?

Rules women should know about men

In case you wondered, and are male – these are the rules we abide by. If you are a girl reading this, then you can just refresh your memory.

MEN RULES: Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note… these are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the “other one “

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as computers, xbox, or beer.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Things i hate about people …

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…. I know where my watch is moron, where the hell’s yours? Do I point at my dick when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their asses to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the gawd damn channel manually.
3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. Fuck yeah! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?
4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? I’m gonna kick their asses!
5. When people say while watching a movie “did you see that?”. No asswipe, I paid $12 bux to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.
6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”…. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is ‘new and improved!’ Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn’t be new.
8. When people say “life is short”. What the hell? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that’s longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here, idiot?

do u know me? if not don’t bother la

Create your own Friend Test here

Just messing around 4 no apparent reason.

MAC vs PC

I lifted this off word up which was lifted off the guardian. I tell you i cannot stop nodding in agreement more. This guy is so funny… hahaha .. my sentiments towards MAC users as well … smell my right mouse click’s dust pile up u all!!!

 I heart my PC/Intel/Nvidia/XP/Vista Ultimate/Seagate/DivX/XviD/Office2003/ WLMessenger/NWN2/HL2/Fallout Tactics/CoH

I hate Macs
Charlie Brooker
Monday February 5, 2007
The Guardian

Unless you have been walking around with your eyes closed, and your head encased in a block of concrete, with a blindfold tied round it, in the dark – unless you have been doing that, you surely can’t have failed to notice the current Apple Macintosh campaign starring David Mitchell and Robert Webb, which has taken over magazines, newspapers and the internet in a series of brutal coordinated attacks aimed at causing massive loss of resistance. While I don’t have anything against shameless promotion per se (after all, within these very brackets I’m promoting my own BBC4 show, which starts tonight at 10pm), there is something infuriating about this particular blitz. In the ads, Webb plays a Mac while Mitchell adopts the mantle of a PC. We know this because they say so right at the start of the ad.

“Hello, I’m a Mac,” says Webb. “And I’m a PC,” adds Mitchell.They then perform a small comic vignette aimed at highlighting the differences between the two computers. So in one, the PC has a “nasty virus” that makes him sneeze like a plague victim; in another, he keeps freezing up and having to reboot. This is a subtle way of saying PCs are unreliable. Mitchell, incidentally, is wearing a nerdy, conservative suit throughout, while Webb is dressed in laid-back contemporary casual wear. This is a subtle way of saying Macs are cool.

The ads are adapted from a near-identical American campaign – the only difference is the use of Mitchell and Webb. They are a logical choice in one sense (everyone likes them), but a curious choice in another, since they are best known for the television series Peep Show – probably the best sitcom of the past five years – in which Mitchell plays a repressed, neurotic underdog, and Webb plays a selfish, self-regarding poseur. So when you see the ads, you think, “PCs are a bit rubbish yet ultimately lovable, whereas Macs are just smug, preening tossers.” In other words, it is a devastatingly accurate campaign.

I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don’t use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.

PCs are the ramshackle computers of the people. You can build your own from scratch, then customise it into oblivion. Sometimes you have to slap it to make it work properly, just like the Tardis (Doctor Who, incidentally, would definitely use a PC). PCs have charm; Macs ooze pretension. When I sit down to use a Mac, the first thing I think is, “I hate Macs”, and then I think, “Why has this rubbish aspirational ornament only got one mouse button?” Losing that second mouse button feels like losing a limb. If the ads were really honest, Webb would be standing there with one arm, struggling to open a packet of peanuts while Mitchell effortlessly tore his apart with both hands. But then, if the ads were really honest, Webb would be dressed in unbelievably po-faced avant-garde clothing with a gigantic glowing apple on his back. And instead of conducting a proper conversation, he would be repeatedly congratulating himself for looking so cool, and banging on about how he was going to use his new laptop to write a novel, without ever getting round to doing it, like a mediocre idiot.

Cue 10 years of nasal bleating from Mac-likers who profess to like Macs not because they are fashionable, but because “they are just better”. Mac owners often sneer that kind of defence back at you when you mock their silly, posturing contraptions, because in doing so, you have inadvertently put your finger on the dark fear haunting their feeble, quivering soul – that in some sense, they are a superficial semi-person assembled from packaging; an infinitely sad, second-rate replicant who doesn’t really know what they are doing here, but feels vaguely significant and creative each time they gaze at their sleek designer machine. And the more deftly constructed and wittily argued their defence, the more terrified and wounded they secretly are.

Aside from crowing about sartorial differences, the adverts also make a big deal about PCs being associated with “work stuff” (Boo! Offices! Boo!), as opposed to Macs, which are apparently better at “fun stuff”. How insecure is that? And how inaccurate? Better at “fun stuff”, my arse. The only way to have fun with a Mac is to poke its insufferable owner in the eye. For proof, stroll into any decent games shop and cast your eye over the exhaustive range of cutting-edge computer games available exclusively for the PC, then compare that with the sort of rubbish you get on the Mac. Myst, the most pompous and boring videogame of all time, a plodding, dismal “adventure” in which you wandered around solving tedious puzzles in a rubbish magic kingdom apparently modelled on pretentious album covers, originated on the Mac in 1993. That same year, the first shoot-’em-up game, Doom, was released on the PC. This tells you all you will ever need to know about the Mac’s relationship with “fun”.

Ultimately the campaign’s biggest flaw is that it perpetuates the notion that consumers somehow “define themselves” with the technology they choose. If you truly believe you need to pick a mobile phone that “says something” about your personality, don’t bother. You don’t have a personality. A mental illness, maybe – but not a personality. Of course, that hasn’t stopped me slagging off Mac owners, with a series of sweeping generalisations, for the past 900 words, but that is what the ads do to PCs. Besides, that’s what we PC owners are like – unreliable, idiosyncratic and gleefully unfair. And if you’ll excuse me now, I feel an unexpected crash coming.

This week: Charlie watched some episodes of Larry Sanders (on his PC). He played the customised Fawlty Towers map for Counterstrike (on his PC). He listened to the Windows startup jingle every 10 minutes as his PC repeatedly rebooted itself.

Defining globalization …

Princess Diana’s death.

Question: Why Princess D’s death?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you dare change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines. This is sent to you by a Malaysian Chinese using Bill Gates’ technology, and you’re probably reading this on your computer that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, unloaded by Indonesians, and trucked to you by Thai illegals…..That, my dear friends, is Globalization!

So true, so true…

What she said… and what she meant:

“Fine” — This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

“Five Minutes” — If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

“Nothing” — This is the calm before the storm. This means “something” and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine”.

“Go Ahead” — This is a dare, not permission. Proceed with extreme caution!

Loud Sigh — Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

“That’s OK” — This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. “That’s OK” means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

“Thanks” — This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you, do not question it, just say “you’re welcome” and back out of the room slowly.

harrow kitty…

a friend just called me up out of the blue after like years of not being in contact. this is the conversation that ensued…

friend: hey dude… long time… howzit goin’.
me: kewl man… my wife just gave bir…
friend: sorry dude… need to ask you something real quick.
me: er….. sure…
friend: is Hello Kitty a dude or a chick?
me: (wtf? how random is that?!) huh?!
friend: is Hello Kitty a guy or a girl?
me: fuck! i know what you asked me… wat the fuck does it have anything to do with anything.
friend: no laa…. just wanna know la… got bet with someone.
me: of all fucking people you call me? after how long… nia ma!
friend: sorry sorry… busy la… u know la…
me: what makes u think i know the answer la… like i’m some fuckin’ hello kitty fan?
friend: aiya… i tot u into toys & stuff.
me: fuck you! Hello Kitty isn’t a toy… it’s a fuckin’ american con job on the jap population at large.
friend: see i know u know this kinda shit!
me: u’re missing the point idiot… well my take is, if it has to be gender specific, i’ll put my money on it being a chick. (gotta be with all that frilly shit everywhere)
friend: oh ok… cool… i tot so too … thanx… *click*
me: (stoned with the phone on my ear still)

I didn’t even get a chance to cuss the motherfucker one last time. Eric, i see your ass again i’m gonna make sure my shoe visits it.

Life b4 the PC

Something light b4 i go 2 the hospitalu.

Memory was something you lose with age
An application was something you filled up to get employed
A program was something on TV
A cursor used to depict profanity
A keyboard was a piano
The web was the spider’s home
A virus was a flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
and if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy… you just don’t want that shit getting out!

Prez Bush gets friendly with German Chancellor

Hahahah … you have gotta see this world class diplomatic move of Prez Bush to perhaps nurture ‘closer’ ties with Germany.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUTwaSPcGno