Shane gets 1st official disciplining

Everyone on this planet knows that i love my son like nothing else in this world. So it wasn’t easy for me to finally give my son the first official full-scale disciplining act.

Shane was being his usual naughty self that i tolerated. He has a bad habit of throwing or beating things after i have given him a verbal display of disapproval. Like for instance i tell him not to touch mommy’s handbag strap, he will go and start wacking the strap or if i tell him he cannot play with the car keys he will throw them forcefully to the floor.

Well last night i disallowed him from touching the vacuum cleaner hose in my computer room. So happen he was holding on to our dvd remote control because mommy couldn’t hide if from him fast enough and taking it away from him would only cause him 2 go into a tantrum. So i let him have the remote control for awhile. But him touching the vacuum cleaner hose was a  big no no. Naturally him not getting his way cause him 2 start on his usual tantrum run. However seeing as he had the remote control with him he decided to throw it very hard to the ground which basically cause the remote to almost split apart. It also caused the thing to chip somewhat on a few sides.

Shane knew he was in trouble… so his usual reaction is say oh… ohh…. oh…  kinda like masking his wrong doing by acknowledging it was a mistake of sorts. This time however i  was mad coz he has done this once to many times. So i raised my voice n scolded him. Straight away he knelt down on the ground looking down and making a sad face. But i wasn’t going to let if off that easily. After a few more thunderous voices of disapproval i smacked his hands. And that is when he started shaking in fear. He was crying so badly and shaking from the sudden onslaught of both verbal and physical barrage. Mind you i only slapped the hand a bit… not soft… but hard enough to hurt the fella a bit. He deserved every bit of it. He wanted me to manja him but i refused and gave a firm NO! to him…  naturally he went running to mommy and i told her not to let him manja her. I do not want to raise a spoilt brat who thinks he can just do whatever the hell he wants to and get away with it. After awhile more of showing my disgust at what he did, i think he did really feel remorse. He didn’t dare throw his usual tantrums. He was very timid and dare not even  squirm around the floor like he use 2 when he throws his tantrums. It was actually amazing to see how much he was comprehending at 16months. It might be a normal thing but seeing my son develop this kinda comprehension will never cease to amaze me.

So after what felt like an eternity of letting him feel what happens when you are naughty, i spread out my arms to show that i will carry him. I have never seen him scramble to be in my arms so fast before. He grabbed on to me and laid his head still on my right shoulder and didn’t move for quite awhile. Didn’t even dare look at me or mommy. Mommy was now her turn to scold the little monster. He dare not look at mommy at all. After carrying him for quite awhile i told Audrey to make him milk at put him 2 sleep.

Thru-out the whole ordeal… i think shane might’ve been disciplined but i think we as parents were also tortured with the fact that i had to give him such a lashing. I felt pretty hurt after that and was really holding myself back from just hugging him and saying sorry. But i grit my teeth and told myself this has to be done for the sake of his growing up the right way. Kinda made me realize how much my dad must’ve hurt when he slapped me once. My dad thru-out my whole life has only raise his hand to me twice. That’s how much my dad spoils me. I even remember seeing my dad cry after that. At that time it made me feel even worse coz my dad has always been so nice to me. I was very young but that moment has always stayed with me.

I know it’s stupid but i think i really know how my dad felt now. I really felt like crying myself after i realize what i had done. I almost dashed to my son’s bed and given him the biggest hug ever. But alas… i waited till it was morning before i did that. I just had to hold it all in and tell myself i’m doing this for his own good. I  really hope it does coz i think to a certain extent i’ve turned out a decent human being because my parents did instill certain values that kept me on the straight and proper. I might not be the best of humans but i’d like to think that they taught me to have a conscience to whatever i do. If that is all i can teach my son… i think i would’ve done my parents proud. God please make Shane a good boy coz i don’t know how much more of this i can endure. It kills me each time… and this is only the first. *sigh*

Finally new pix …

Ok i know la… very long no update flickr la… here is the first batch finally… more to come soon once i get the rest from Hazel from the b’day. That’s the only ones left to put up. I know a lotta pple have been bitchin’ about it… so go ok… more to come back next week… *cross fingers*

The wait is over!

Mosey over to flickr to see his new pix… and some of mine with my colleagues… well soon to be ex-colleagues.. sigh… i m gonna miss them…

Warning … a lotta pix ok… so pace yourselves.

Update … at the 11th hour we got another nanny closer to home so priority of getting a car is a little less crucial… for the time being. read about it at audrey’s blog.

Shane’s going 2 daycare

Finally we found a place we don’t mind putting our little horror in. We’re hoping that the change of pace might change his somewhat grumpy disposition off late. I know it might be due to the flu but i really lost it the last couple of days.

I feel like a total jerk for letting it out on my son, I actually can’t believe i smacked my kid. I think the sleep depravation took over and i m so ashamed of my actions. I diden really wack the fella big time la… but enough to get his more angry n hurt a tiny bit i guess. Still it was no excuse for me to take it our on him. If my son ever sees this one day… i m so sorry for beat beat u son. I buy u mindstorm ok?

Ok back to the topic… well i’ve had it with the nanny for a long time coming already so we’ve been really searching …. well ok… mostly Audrey doing the searching but i still get the last say as to weather we put him there or not. And after what seems like an eternity, we might’ve just found the ideal place to put him. Sure logistics will be a bitch as it’s all the way in Jalan Gasing but we rather go the proverbial mile than having to succumb my most precious to a multitude of situations i do not want to deal with anymore.

I would love to list everything down but i think audrey’s blog pretty much sums everything up into the many reasons why we NEED to get him out of the current nanny’s place. Love or no love, if nannies don’t listen to the parent’s wishes every single time, you know it won’t work out in the long term.

Next step now is looking for a decently reliable 2nd hand car for audrey to fetch the kid to daycare. Since i will be starting work in a new place & most likely work me like a dog for a good whole year with tons of late nights, suddenly i’m not so dependable to be able to pick her or shane up at accurate times. Anyone know a good 2nd car deal? Let us know ya?

I know a lotta pple r going to go … daycare? yeah since i was so adamant i don’t want my kid to catch too many viruses from exposure to many kids. I mean it is still a concern to me.. but now that i’ve had a look at the place and seen the activities they have, maybe it will do him a lotta good to socialize with more kids. Not that he isn’t so sociable now, but i guess he will learn a lot more than just being cooped up in a home. We’re willing to take the plunge and hopefully anything is better than what is happening now. Being control freaks, we just don’t like that the current nanny doesn’t give us much input to how we should raise our kid. Just fucking annoying la… sometimes wish i could just give her a good slap n tell her to fuckin’ listen to me…. but noooooo i swore never to hit women… fuckin’ regret i tell you.

I know it’s been awhile since the last flood of pix… hold on a bit longer la… been bz n tired as shit.. no mood to resize n edit the pix la… but there is a lot… with some of me n my colleagues that i will miss when i move to the new company. wait for it… it’s a buncha laffs.

Hair poll!

So everyone… tell me which do you prefer? the messy all over the place hair or the prison break michael scoffield look? please give input la… wanna see your opinions.

ps. wife cannot comment until all comments are in… yes… all 3 comments of yours.

oh no! i’m roadkill!

Ok folks… sorry 4 the long wait for new pix of my mostest adorablest kiddo… read audrey’s posting for some dibs on my ah beng son! lol!

enjoy… keeping it short n sweet… holidays coming again… let’s see wat funny pix i can take… shane’s 9 months and 2 days old today! they grow up wayyyyyy too fast man…

Shane is a superstar fan! ARGH!

I swear… audrey said it all in her blog. Friggin’ funny man… me n audrey were floored so bad…. gawd… this is what happens when your nanny’s family is so into the chinese thingy… aiyoooo… .wat to dooooo….

CNY Holiday post part 2

Ok part 2. Well Shane had a really interesting experience to say the least for his first ever CNY. We had throngs of people the whole day. From relatives to friends and friends of my dear Aunt Clarine. Walios her group came all the way from Alor Setar just for the day to wish her Gong Xi Fa Chai. That’s church going people’s dedication for you. Basically everyone carried Shane for awhile each. Amazingly he was such a good kid only worry mommy had been getting germs from strangers. I know it’s a mother’s nightmare for this to actually happen. But I’m glad 2 say he hasn’t caught anything so far (touch wood). I can stop a mutt from touching my kid but people who are just infatuated with him… what can I do la? He is too damn cute for his own good. That night walios he was really getting sensory overload (I making non-expert assumptions here) since he was very agitated and unwilling to sleep peacefully. I pity Audrey for getting up so many times. Sure I was just next to her and I got up too but she takes the brunt of it coz only her magic touch can get Shane to go back to sleep. Perhaps we men have this natural idiot mechanism that allows us to be totally helpless when it comes to this kinda things. I’ve tried but it only aggravates the situation and in most time it wakes Shane up in totality. Yes I am an idiot like that too.  

So we decided that instead of staying another day we should just leave on the 2^nd day after dinner. I also was not keen to stay. I’ve never felt at home in Ipoh for a long time now so it didn’t take much persuasion for me to leave. Shane got all his angpows already … well at least the ones that COUNT! So off we headed back to KL after a miserable dinner. Y? Coz some people in my family do not understand when I mean I am leaving for KL after dinner and I want to eat early, they forget to cook rice until its 7pm when I already told them to get rice ready by 6pm. Again showing my spoilt nature… but fuck it… I’m like this. So me being black face and annoy that I couldn’t have my proper dinner, Dad rushed out to tapau a packet of rice from the mamak. Yeah … share 1 packet of rice with Audrey… n the rice is still not ready in the rice cooker. You must be think… what a fucking asshole… hah! My fault I lucky to have people to attend to my needs ah? Ok ok… everyone knows I’m an asshole so this is not news actually… hahah .. anyways I lapped up as much of my grandma’s happening food with the measly rice I was provided and I didn’t even have a proper bowl of soup even. Everyone knows how fuckin’ important soup is in my meal. So even more black face at 7:30pm I said forget it, we are leaving. If not we would really get back late to KL and I needed to set things up for Shane’s room summore when I get back. See all got reason for my annoyance one. So off we went but a bit I hide my unhappiness la don’t wanna further make everyone feel guilty for making me have such an uncomfortable stay in Ipoh. The drive out of Ipoh was decent until we hit close to KL then there was jam… bloody hell… go back also got stuck in jam.  

We took a good 3 hours to reach home. The one thankful thing was Shane was so understanding in his own way by sleeping the entire journey back. It was really a miracle. But given the circumstances I’m sure he needed the sleep with so much activity in his mind for the past few days. Once we got home I quickly set up his bed, Audrey cleaned him up and fed him. We were thinking shit he slept so much the entire journey back so he should be wide awake rite? Well my good son was so nice and he went back to sleep after his milk. I couldn’t believe it. Usually if he slept so much he would be active as a monkey on coffee. That really gave me a little space for much needed rest. How ironic that now my holidays are really more tiring that my work days. We decided that after all the fiasco in Ipoh we would just chill it in KL and enjoy the jam free city for a few days. So being the bad parents we are, we painted the town red with our son in tow. Painting the town red as in equivalent of how parents would paint a town red… go shopping and just pig out. Which made my poor son just as tired … which resulted in him hardly getting any rest during the day? Hahah … such exemplary parents we make. 

Anyways we took him swimming for the first time as well … not so much swimming but floating around. Being as it was the first time we decided a good half hour was enough. I think in the end he liked it but he was a bit afraid initially. Yeah at home in the tub like champion the fella kicking but put in the pool legs all stiff don’t dare do anything. But never mind, daddy will slowly make him like the water more.  We also did some visitations of friends from both sides. Seeing other babies around Shane’s age really made us appreciate him even more. I’m not saying the other kids aren’t cute and all but I guess we are just being bias. Somehow I notice that Shane has a spark that I don’t see in babies his age. I know everyone sure say one la… your kid ma sure la think like that… well I guess to each their own. I just hope he stays smart the whole way, no point being so smart and observant now then later can’t be bother and stupid when he grows up. Do I make sense? Ah who cares! To me and Audrey, Shane is just the most amazing kid in the world and rightfully all parents should feel proud and bias about their own kid. Just that mine’s just better than all of yours a tiny microbit end of the day. Muahahaha… Ok I guess I diden have to drag this till a part 3 … sure I concise some but the best parts were highlighted la.  One slight request ah… I wanna know who of my friends are lurking here ah… bloody hell I m getting way too many hits, maybe I should start charging… hahaha … j/k. Just gimme a shout out la… I know who u are but just leave a comment here n there… so everyone knows also who is here la.. I really miss some of you people… sigh how I wish you guys were back in KL. I’m only doing this for the benefit of my friends that are not in Malaysia ok… if not they would never know the fuck’s up with me. Besides I love 2 show off my son… hahaha!!!!

CNY Holidays post part 1

To be honest I dreaded the festivities. Y? Well for one very simple reason. I have a 6 month old kid and packing for him is a nightmare. Both me and Audrey had 2 small bags of luggage … the lil monster however took up the whole boot… the front seat… the back seat… and then some! Walios… that was also after veto-ing out the need for a stroller in Ipoh.

I thought we would be home the whole 4 days … I don’t plan on going anywhere with Shane the entire trip back. Boy was I sorely mistaken. Anyways we left Kelana at 5am Saturday (yup I couldn’t take leave coz of my 101 meetings on Friday), I reached Ipoh at around 10am. 5 fucking hours ya’ll! It was tiring as shit but lucky I had a decent amount of sleep prior. Thanks to the lovely wife for handling the monsters early morning cries. Luckily there was breakfast waiting for us at home. I assumed we didn’t have any as I didn’t make any request but my smart dad actually went and got some stuff for us. Amazingly some more the stuff I love… chee cheong fun with pig skin curry with see hum. Fuckin’ awesome man!

Being back in Ipoh is a ritual of just eating and eating and eating. True enough after breakfast we were snacking on tit bits till lunch. Since the dinner was going to be a huge ass affair there wasn’t lunch prepared at home. So we had to go out for lunch! FUCK! No stroller… nia ma!

Nevermind la… just put the fella on the chair la… lucky he was not very noisy during lunch. We went to this amazing place called 1919 in Ipoh Garden South. We had the most amazing deep fried chicken with salted egg. Damn unique man… I loved the meal. Everything was amazing.

What a great start to the festivities. But the meal was pretty steep for just a few dishes. RM110++ for 4 adults and this is supposed to be the usual prices not CNY price. Oh well never mind since dad paid for it, since I pay most of the time when they come to KL … let him pay once in awhile ok wat!

Naturally the grandparents loved having Shane around for more days than the usual 2 day visits my parents make to KL. But I tell u both my parents are hopeless when it comes to helping us out with Shane. They can’t change diapers, feed him, bath him or even carry him for more than 10 minutes. Nia ma… much help you people are. It’s suppose to be our holiday also u know. Only know how to play with the fella. Then after 10mins my dad is out the house for a smoke, mom goes back to the kitchen to help prepare food. Ok la… I know I’m spoilt also la… but dammit… take care of your grandkid also la… lousy grandparents betul.

Dinner was as predicted orgasmic but peppered with whining from Shane coz he couldn’t chow down on the same dishes. He was just taking his usual boring milk. Sorry boy… wait till you are 1 years old then only daddy let you try funny stuff. Now it’s just milk, cereal & mush. All in all the food improved from last year however as Audrey said this year the mood was a bit somber. Well this also coz my uncle la.

He brought Ellie his most beloved bitch shitzu (fuck care I spelled that right). My cousin sister Elaine also handled Ellie coming into the house naturally I told her go wash hands if u wanna touch or carry Shane. Who knows where Ellie’s been to right? Well my uncle came holding Ellie and wanted to touch Shane. Of coz my first reaction is tell him to go wash his hands b4 you play with Shane. Wahhh… my uncle went ballistic like it was his fuckin’ gawd given right to have in 1 hand a dog and a kid in the other. Slammed the door going out with the dog said he not hungry and trust me I know he is shit hungry coz he loves my grandma’s food. Fuck I give a damn … when I realize he was pissed from my comment & got all bothered. I said out loud… TOO BAD! You wanna touch my kid… you wash hands! Suddenly my aunt my cousins all stone… fuck I don’t care, in my family I am the highest fuckin’ rank (eventho i’m not, grandma is!).

Everyone listens to me… and I mean everyone. So he goes home n play with his dog la… I kept on eating. My aunt naturally ta pau for him. I told my parents you all dream on if he thinks he is getting an apology from me. In fact if he so upset fuckin’ don’t come 2morrow for 1st day of CNY and see how la. I know I should think about my grandma but come on… I draw the line when it comes to my son. I’m glad grandma was understanding and everyone agreed that I was not out of my bounds in asking him 2 wash his hands. Perhaps I wasn’t extremely polite with my tone of voice but sorry I’ve always spoken in this manner to my relatives. Fuck not like my uncle is a dignitary or some shit that demands due politeness. Use some fucking sense la… your dog as clean as she may be might carry bacteria that babies can catch easily. Pardon my fuckin’ manners if I am more concern about my son’s welfare than my uncle’s bloody pride.

Luckily the next day he came for angpow time and was nice and polite sans Ellie. Didn’t bring up the issue anymore and acted like an adult. He didn’t stir shit I keep quiet la. But if he so much as utter anything about it I would’ve shot him down so bad he would be feeling a tad chily from all the gunshot holes I’ll put through him. Yup that my friends is a day in the life with my family. This is not even the first time I’ve had a tiff with him, but I gotta admire how fast he forgets it and just move on without any grudges after. I think that’s y I’m like this coz my whole family lets me have my way. Watta spoilt fuck I m.. but this time I think I had every right.

Ok moving on… the night before CNY we put Shane to bed the usual 9:30ish to give him some sense of normalcy. After all he was in a strange place and so many things were just not in its usual place. Don’t even get me started on the bloody ergonomics of changing his diaper and feeding. My parent’s place is just not baby friendly. Nevermind … I tahan since they will be moving to a bigger nicer place in one & half years time. That also coz of Shane coz my parents wants me to come back more and with the current home it is an impossibility. I’m honestly considering skipping town next year. I know it might seem heartless but the journey and all that is honestly too damn stressful. But perhaps when he is 1 year plus it would be easier. We will have to decide when the time comes.

I fucking digress like nobody’s business man, gomen … as I was saying we put him to bed… at home we can hear him since he is just in the next room but in Ipoh it is upstairs & downstairs. So being the inexperience parents we were, thought once put him to sleep he won’t wake up for at least 2-3hours. So we went down to eat some tit bits and chat with my parents and relatives. Little did I realize how ignorant my parents are that there is a baby in the house. Since my downstairs is air-conditioned we need to open and close the door to the kitchen very often and being my parents not realizing that they can’t be slamming doors every time they go in and out, naturally they just slam the door la. We also stupid and it didn’t dawn on us that this could potentially wake Shane up. Luckily I decided about 5mins later to just do a check on Shane and see if he is ok.

Horrors of horrors as I was walking up the stairs I could hear him crying at the top of his lungs. Quickly I rushed in to see him looking up teary eyed and in a state of confusion & panic. His jammers were all wet and I realize from milk he just took before bedtime. The sheets were wet as well and naturally the mattress. Basically we deduce that the slamming of the kitchen door by my smart ass dad woke him up abruptly and not seeing us there to calm him and assured him threw the poor fella into a state of panic which resulted in him hurling his supper on himself and the bed. I kicked myself for being so stupid to think that all the commotion downstairs wouldn’t have affected him. We are so use to being quiet once we put Shane to bed that we forgot that not everyone realizes that as well. So not really my parents fault but my stupidity for not warning them prior. Well even with warning they still slam the door…. Y? coz my parents are idiots that way.

Ok… this is a really lengthy post already.. I’ll make this into a 2 or 3 parter .. providing I can remember all the details of the holidays and the 9 solid days of taking care of my beloved son. Till the next post… enjoy the pix we took during the holidays. We took about 400 pix… but put up about 90 only. Eh… u think easy are retouching and resizing all the pix… nia sing… hand also pain man.

My Son

what to do.. my parents spoil me rotten

Originally uploaded by loquterz.

For all those who do not want to read a diabetes inducing post, please stop reading right now. I know i know it’s tiresome and pple say i’m sucha fag softie but what to do… age and a kid does that to me.

I feel so lucky to have Shane. Truly this is the most amazing gift Audrey and God permit, has given me. I honestly feel that i don’t deserve such a dedicated and loving wife and the cutest boy this side of the alpha quadrant. To me anyways. Which parent would never praise their kid sky high needs to have their heads examined. Well all that said and done… i still have them… and i’m not gonna complain.

Sure the little monster drives me up the wall with his 101 mood swings and ability to spew saliva into my eye with pin point accuracy but when he flashes that smile i tell you, i melt like butter in the hot sun. I am truly afraid of how the heck am i going to be able to discipline him in the future. I know i have to be strict and all but he really is making it a helluva hard job to do. You all have seen the pictures i put up… seriously that is how he is most of the time. Smiling & laughing like a lunatic. 

Everyone we encounter when we are out shopping or visiting friends or relatives we seem to hear the same thing. ‘My gawd! Your son is so happy and smiley, sucha happy kid!’ Aren’t all babies smiley and happy all the time? I wouldn’t know coz i have only Shane. People tell me that some even get down right rotten mood when they see new people. They won’t let you carry or even talk to them. Mine will allow you to carry and if you so much as talk in a nicer tone he will flash you the biggest smile the size of Texas.

Is there something wrong with my son? Should he be smiling & laughing so much? I know it’s ridiculous to think this way… but it did pop into my head b4…. is my son a few fries short of a happy meal … nahhh… he is also showing signs that he is too damn smart for his age. He’s doing a lotta stuff most kids do when they are 7-8 months… overachiever perhaps. Or would you call it ‘kiasu‘ like the mother… everything must do first b4 everyone.

Everyday when i drop him off at the nanny i feel so torn… i know i m getting a resprite from the little minster but at the same time i miss him so much. I love holding him…kissing him all over… playing rough with him. I love talking to him and telling him how much i love him. He always response with a smile. The only time he seems unhappy is when we don’t give him attention … and we give him A LOT of it… social bug or just plain spoiled. Thing is it doesn’t have to be us… so long as anyone talks to him he is ok. He does seem to recognise people, that i know for sure as he is a bit vary at first… but once we are smiling he will seem like an indication that the person is ok with him too. Sigh… see how mushy n soft i’ve become… it’s all his fault… but truly having Shane has given me a new dimension in life. One i tot i would never be able to get use to.

Some people are built to have kids n family and the whole she-bang but me… this is really something about 10 years ago was the furthest thing from my mind. Do i miss that life? Honestly the slightest of bits… the freedom is alluring at times. But the moment i set eyes on my son & he flashes that smile… i tell u nothing seems to matter anymore.

When we lost the car it was of coz quite painful. The possessions loss, the money we lost and about to lose further was quite a pain. Me & Audrey like mopped over it for about 2 hours.. that’s about it. Mind you we are not rich people. Just thought we got out of some debt for a bit and could afford a bigger car for Shane and we got stone walled yet again. It’s no fun living in debt… but all that was inconsequential. All we could think of was our son who was with the nanny for the night becoz we had no car or car seat to bring him back home in. I tell you the pain of not seeing my son was so much more excruciating than the loss of the car. To think some parents can leave the kid at the nanny’s for weekdays. You all don’t deserve children! What’s the point of having them but to have other pple raise them. Might as well adopt and make the world a better place. There are plenty of kids without love in this world you don’t have to contribute as well. Monetary compensation is NOT the answer MORONS! … ok ok i digress. I’m very pro self raise… not nanny raised. If i was rich i would quit and take care of Shane full time. Sure sounds easier than it is…. but i would rough it out. I will get into the groove eventually. But alas… we need 2 pay debts and ensure Shane gets a decent childhood.

Ok back to the topic. At that very moment of not having Shane with us for the first time since he was born, i realise how trivial things in life were compared to caring for anything else other than your own child. I mean i love Audrey to bits too, but even she admits that this bond with the son is even stronger than we could anticipate. Its quite overwhelming how we feel towards this being that we both created. I always feel that Shane was born out of a lot of love between Audrey & me and i feel that really contributes to him being such an amazing kid.

We are both very curious to how he develops, what kind of character he will have, what ways he will devise to irritate the hell out of us. The many problems he will introduce to us… but end of the day it’s worth it… coz that smile tells me we did the right thing by having a kid and not the LCD TV … we can always get a LCD TV … but Shane only comes once in a lifetime. I am going to treasure it and appreciate it… hopefully he will turn out to be a good person with principles that will make us proud and learn to not step on too many people’s toes in the course of life.

With that said, i can only tell you he is our one and only … we don’t plan to have another. I don’t see an ability for me to split my love further. I know everyone can’t quantify love… but i can & i’m telling you … i have no more 2 go around … what’s left is for my wife, parents and my close friends (yes thats you idiots reading my blog!). Seriously… y spread myself so thin for? So make sure angpow for my son this year extra big ok? We need to buy milk powder la!